Fashionista Rap
by jehc
Summary: This is the final story in the Ultimatum series. It is definitive proof that middle aged women raised on country music have no business trying to rap! Thanks Lara for you help and encouragement!


"Welcome back, we have a special guest tonight please welcome Snoop Dogg to perform the Fashionista Rap."

The recording artist walked on stage and right to Miranda. He gave her a kiss on the cheek and said, "You know I love you right?"

Miranda nodded.

"So you won't take out a contract on me or anything right?"

Miranda locked eyes with her friend.

"Are my children mentioned?"

"Just Andy," he said tongue in cheek.

Miranda chuckled and patted his cheek, "Then you'll live."

He kissed her again and began to rap.

 _" **My name's Miranda Priestly and the world knows me at Runway Magazine I'm The EIC.**_

 ** _My feet they sport Prada, the soles are bright red, don't mess in my business yo I'll stomp on your head._**

 ** _When it comes to fashion I decide what is dope, if I purse my lips at you, you just lost all hope._**

 ** _Page Six they will mock me, Anna Wintor can't top me, my child bride is at my side and the gay boys all want me._**

 ** _They call me Ice Queen, the Devil and Bitch Wearing Heels but when my gown gives you a peak no pants can hide how you feel._**

 ** _You'll buy what I tell you, you'll wear what I say, it's in my book the hot_** _chicks_ ** _look for fashion today._**

 ** _Valentino, Donna Karen, Kors and Versace they all fight to dress me to make you all want me._**

 ** _Agent Provocateur, La Perla you wonder I know, but when the bustier's by Gauthier you see what I show, and you'll want it, yea you'll want it._**

 **I _am the Goddess of Fashion, in France I'm the queen, come worship at my alter yo, Runway Magazine."_**

The audience cheered madly as Snoop Dog took his bow. Throughout the performance Miranda kept her feelings completely to herself. There was no way to know if she was amused, annoyed or incensed. As the camera panned back to her the audience held their breath.

"You missed some things darling," she said to the rapper. Snoop looked intrigued and Seth looked petrified.

Miranda did not sing but replyed in a completely serous voice, "My thigh highs are Wolford the garters are Myla, panty lines are kept at bay with thongs from Charmel."

The audience went wild. No one could believe that The Miranda Priestly just spoke about her underwear on live tv.

She and Snoop dogg were the only people not roaring with laughter. Seth was unable to speak he was bent over with tears streaming down his face.

Miranda looked at the rapper. "I also think you could be more creative when you speak of Andrea. Believe me she is **_NO_** child and there is **_A LOT_** more to her then her age."

It seemed impossible but the laughter got even louder.

Miranda looked at her watch and then over at Seth.

"Are we done now?" she asked. Unable to speak he nodded his head vigorously.

"Well aren't you supposed to say goodbye or some such thing?"

Again he nodded his head vigorously. After staring at him for another moment Miranda shook her head. She looked straight in to the camera and said, "That's all."

***  
Emily could see her boss was truly amused by her success on the show. She also knew that Miranda had come out on top of this power play with the Board. They are all going to be grinding their teeth in annoyance even while their pockets are filled by the business this adventure would create.

"Emily is that a tear in your eye?" Mirada asked.

"No, Miranda."

Her boss studied her face intently, before she cocked her eyebrow and waited.

"Yes, Miranda."

"And why pray tell are you almost sobbing in public?"

Emily stood up straighter and glared at Miranda. She knew better then to contradict her mercurial boss but she also took offense at her disdain. How could Miranda refer to just one unshed tear as sobbing?

"It's nothing, I am sorry if I am embarrassing you." She answered stiffly.

Miranda reached out and touched her assistant's shoulder.

"I have had dozens of assistants run crying from my office and you have never so much as winced in all these years." She stared at the younger woman intently, "Tell me," she said sternly.

Emily looked down at the floor not wanting to answer for fear the tears would actually come. Miranda continued to wait.

"It's the macaroni lady. She is thrilled that you pointed out her necklace."

"And this makes you cry?"

Emily took a bit of a shuddering breath. "Her child was in an accident and lost her leg, she's stuck at home a lot. She makes a lot of pasta related jewelry because she doesn't really have anyone to play with."

"Why doesn't she have a wheelchair or a prosthetic?"

"Janet, the mother's name is Janet, is a single mom, can't afford a lift for her car and Jesse, the child, finds her prosthetic painful. The insurance won't give anymore than the shit poor help they already gave." Emily gulped shocked at herself for using such corse language in front of her boss.  
Miranda looked at Emily as if she was insane.

"And?" she asked.

Emily was shocked at Miranda's apparent callisness. "And nothing, it just makes me sad to think of a five year-old child, stuck at home. This was Janet's first night out in years, and you…" Emily started to choke up. Her voice broke, "You made it special for her and she's excited about her daughter seeing her necklace on TV."

One tear was tough enough to break through Emily's resolve. Miranda watched it all the way down the younger woman's face right to when it hit the floor.

"And," Miranda said impataintly, "what are you going to do about it?"

"What can I do?"

"Fix it Emily, that's what you do isn't it? Fix things?"

"But Miranda I don't have the resources for something like that."

Miranda rolled her eyes, "I do, so fix it."

"Yes, Miranda." Was her excited reply and one more tear found its way down her cheek.


End file.
